Record by George Crouch

Tag: Job

  • Puchiko’s Long Winter Break and My Final Mission of the Year

    Puchiko’s Long Winter Break and My Final Mission of the Year

    Once Puchiko gets into bed, her venting begins. Usually, that wouldn’t be a problem. However, lately, she has started talking to me openly and boldly. Not many people have an imaginary friend, and talking to one out loud looks strange—to anyone else, it just looks like she’s talking to herself. I really need to admonish her soon. This might be my final mission of the year, but it also intertwines with Puchiko’s Long Winter Break and My Final Mission of the Year.

    This was Puchiko’s year. She was born in the Year of the Snake, making her the “woman of the year”. But that will end in just a few days as we welcome the Year of the Horse next year.

    Puchiko usually works staggered hours, finishing at 4:30 PM, but yesterday she finished at 3:15 PM. Winter break is almost here. Her break is long—from December 25th to January 6th. She originally thought about taking January 7th off as well, but since she needs to save her paid leave for a trip to Belgium in March (to use them up before the Japanese fiscal year ends in March), she decided to work on the 7th. Her current workplace is very flexible and easygoing. Most regular employees stay off from December 25th until January 7th. I think it’s because the organization is run somewhat like a school. This winter break is significant, marking Puchiko’s Long Winter Break and My Final Mission of the Year.

    On the way home, Puchiko muttered, “After tomorrow, I’m on break. This is the last time I’ll get to feel this sense of liberation. From next April, winter break will only be from December 29th to January 3rd. I can’t stand it! I mean, in my current job, I have stress, but it’s the kind I can manage. Don’t you think it’s blissful to have this much time off in the middle of that? But where I’m going next, there will probably be people who are impossible to reason with. I’ll be yelled at, face sexual harassment, or deal with ‘customer harassment.’ And yet, I’ll have fewer holidays than I do now! I can’t deal with this! I hate it!”

    Anyone reading this is probably thinking, “Stop acting so spoiled.” This sentiment would likely draw a lot of backlash, especially from other Japanese people. I feel like saying the same thing to her, but Puchiko has been soaking in the “hot spring” of this relaxed workplace for over 5 years. The gap between her current environment and a typical workplace is huge, and I realize it’s going to be tough for her—though it hasn’t even started yet.

    I don’t mind her venting to me like this. Listening is part of my role as her imaginary friend. However, as I mentioned at the beginning, the more Puchiko establishes my existence, the more naturally she talks to me anywhere. When she first created me, she would only whisper when no one was around. Now, she talks to me while walking through the city or in the hallways at work. To an outsider, she looks like someone who talks to herself a lot. Actually, it might be worse than that. Since she often asks for my agreement, people must wonder, “Who is she talking to?” When she says things like, “Hey! Look at that! What do you think, Jōji?”, it makes me break into a cold sweat. Talking to me seems to drastically reduce her stress, but I wish she would just talk to me in her head instead of out loud. I need to make sure she doesn’t do this at her new job.

    Then, there’s what happened on the way home today. Just as Puchiko finished work and started walking, she heard a voice from behind. Her boss, the section manager, came running after her. He handed her a gift of sweets. It was to congratulate her on being hired for her next job, and since it was Christmas Eve, it served as a Christmas present too. “You don’t need to give me anything in return,” he said. (This is where Japanese social cues get difficult. Usually, when Japanese people give gifts or souvenirs, they say things like “No need to return the favor” or “Don’t worry about it.” But you shouldn’t always take those words literally. If you don’t return the favor, they might think, “Oh, they didn’t give me anything back? How rude.” In the case of this manager, I think he truly isn’t expecting anything—though Puchiko will give him something anyway. In Japanese society, it is a basic rule: if you receive something, you give something back.) The manager also told her, “It’s a loss for us, but congratulations.” It really warmed her heart.

    Needless to say, I was relieved. Usually, Puchiko starts talking to me the moment she leaves. It was a lucky coincidence that she was walking in silence today, so the manager didn’t catch her talking to thin air. She must have felt relieved too.

    On the way to the station, Puchiko was deeply reflecting on the manager’s kindness. For about 20 minutes, she kept muttering, “He’s such a good person. Jōji, the manager is such a good man,” and “I need to become a person like that,” and “He’s such a kind, wonderful boss.” Thanks to that, she spent the whole walk home saying unusually positive and gentle things. Being so close to her, I sincerely wish her mind could always be filled with this much peace and order.

    Postscript:

    This is a memo Puchiko stuck on her computer at work. It's well-drawn, isn't it? Since next year is the Year of the Horse, I think it’s a drawing of her riding a horse. The speech bubble says, "Off from December 25th to January 6th," and at the bottom, it says, "Have a great year. And Happy New Year."
    This is a memo Puchiko stuck on her computer at work. It’s well-drawn, isn’t it? Since next year is the Year of the Horse, I think it’s a drawing of her riding a horse. The speech bubble says, “Off from December 25th to January 6th,” and at the bottom, it says, “Have a great year. And Happy New Year.”

  • The Invisible Hand of Luck and My Role as an Ally

    “Jōji, I was thinking… I’m actually lucky,” Puchiko said to me. From my perspective, it’s true; she has been on quite a lucky streak lately.

    “I mean, I really didn’t think I’d pass this recruitment exam on my own. There was a written test, right? Back in middle and high school, I skipped so many classes and never listened—I couldn’t keep up and my grades were terrible. It’s not like I’m athletic, either. I was at the bottom of the school social hierarchy, so I’m amazed I passed. If the ‘me’ from 15 or 20 years ago heard this, she’d be shocked,” Puchiko explained passionately. Personally, I don’t think being at the bottom of a social hierarchy has much to do with a recruitment exam… but I did watch her study the whole time. Even though she started daydreaming in the middle of the actual exam and surprised when she realized she’d run out of time after re-reading the questions, she somehow made it. I was surprised myself.

    “And it’s not just that. Up until recently, my urinary protein was at +1. But then, with the health check for my new job coming up in a month, I went for my regular checkup at the renal disease department. The result wasn’t a full negative, but it was ‘plus-minus.’ I think that’s within the acceptable range. Even my doctor said it ‘wasn’t bad.’ And you know that traffic light near my current workplace that never turns green? Lately, it turns green exactly when I’m about to cross. Usually, even when it’s green, it changes back to red in a heartbeat so I never bother with it, but now it turns green just for me! I’m so blessed. That’s not all. This morning at 5:13 AM, there was a person was hit by a train. Where I live, those accidents happen so frequently, especially in December. I headed to work without knowing, and when I saw people standing around at the station, I realized the trains were stopped. The platform was packed, but just as I arrived, a train pulled in! It was one much earlier than the one I usually take. (Because the trains were turning back, if I had missed that one, I would have had to wait 45 minutes in the freezing cold.) I thought it would be packed, but only the carriage I got into was empty! Isn’t that amazing? I feel like this is ‘Tā-chan’ returning the favor.”

    (Tā-chan was a male black cat whose real name was Takashi.)

    “I rescued Tā-chan just about a year ago, on November 30th. Just as he was finally getting used to the house, he passed away on March 2nd due to FIP. He was only with us for a few months. I feel like I couldn’t do anything for him, but I think he’s always helping me now. He’s giving me all these presents. And maybe it’s not just him. Maybe it’s Chiyo too.” (Chiyo was a bicolour cat Puchiko took in 11 years ago and treated like her own dear daughter; she passed away 5 years ago.) “Out of the 6 years she was alive, I was in Australia for one of them, so we actually spent less time together than I’ve spent with Shii or Sayo. And Yūji and Jasmine… they were so cute.”

    “Jasmine was a winter white hamster and Yūji was a blue Sapphire hamster, I think? I feel like all my precious ‘daughters’ and ‘sons’ are returning the favor. Everything is going so well. My former workplace wrote the documents exactly how I wanted; they were a bit late, but they arrived. It’s almost too perfect. Also, my bladder condition… I haven’t taken medicine for over 3 months, but it seems to have healed. It’s December, and usually, the cold brings on the pain, but it doesn’t hurt at all. Normally, I get hemorrhoids when it gets cold, too, but so far, nothing. This definitely isn’t because of my own ability or just random the invisible hands of luck. If anything, I have a bad mouth, I’m aggressive, and I click my tongue at people—I’m not exactly a ‘good’ person. I can only think that my wonderful children are giving me these gifts. I wonder if this the invisible hands of luck will last forever? I want it to, but maybe I’m asking for too much? I worry I might be a burden to Tā-chan and the others… they have to move on eventually, so they can’t look after me forever, right? Or does it mean they’ll help me as long as they are around? I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve just been rambling. Is this helpful to you, Jōji? Is this good material for the blog? I got a bit off track, didn’t I?” Puchiko poured out everything she wanted to say in one breath. It was clear she wasn’t necessarily looking for a response or a reaction from me.

    (Jasmine was a feisty female hamster she had at age 10; Yūji was a hamster she had from age 17 through her 1st year of university.)

    Jasmine, the winter white hamster
    Jasmine, the winter white hamster
    Yūji, the blue sapphire hamster
    Yūji, the Blue sapphire hamster
    Chiyo, the black and white spotted cat
    Chiyo, the black and white spotted cat
    Sayo, the white and tabby cat and Shii, the tuxedo cat.
    Sayo, the white and tabby cat and Shii, the tuxedo cat.
    Takashi, the ark chhocolate-colored cat
    Takashi, the ark chhocolate-colored cat

    “This might be blog material too, but recently a Miss Finland posted a photo making ‘slanty eyes,’ saying she was ‘eating with Chinese people.’ It caused a huge stir. Then, about 3 anti-immigration politicians in Finland defended her by posting photos of themselves doing the same thing and making buck-toothed faces to mock Asians. You know about this, right, Jōji? When I was in Australia, a Venezuelan coworker did that ‘slanty eye’ face to me. It was when I showed her a photo where my eyeliner was flicked upward; she said, ‘Oh, like Asian eyes,’ and did the gesture. But I don’t think that woman intended to discriminate or harass me. She had zero intent to be racist. And that’s why she didn’t realize it was racist. Isn’t that more of a problem? While those who do it with malice are wicked and unforgivable, with those who do it unconsciously, you have to start by teaching them that it’s discrimination in the 1st place, right? And she’s an older woman. Her identity and way of thinking are already set. Can someone like that even realize it? If that happens to me again, I feel like I should say something back—an eye for an eye. Since they hurt something precious like my identity, they would suffer more if I hurt something they value, rather than just blaming them directly. They probably have families they love, so I think saying something like, ‘Your parents must be fools for giving birth to a racist creature like you,’ or ‘Your parents are idiots for failing to educate their child,’ would be an ‘eye for an eye’ response.” Puchiko spoke with heat. I stopped her there. “You shouldn’t say that,” I told her.

    She shot back, “Why? They mocked someone’s appearance. They’re being racist. It’s a sin. Those people are acting with malice. What’s wrong with saying that much back?” I understand why she feels that way. But if she says those things and the other person turns violent, what would she do? She would likely be overpowered easily. She’s small and doesn’t look particularly strong. So, as her ally, I tried my best to persuade her for the sake of her safety. Eventually, she understood. She decided that if she encounters racism again, she’ll say, “You’re just jealous of me.” Though I suspect that might just make the other person mock her even more. I think it’s best not to engage with racists at all, but then again, you can’t always stay silent. It made me think about what the “correct” answer really is.

    Puchiko has this side to her—a desire for “retributive justice,” where she wants to hit back when she’s been hit. Actually, she tries to give back double. To be honest, I don’t think that’s a great trait of hers. When she passes someone on the street who refuses to move out of the way, she’ll mutter, “You won’t move? How arrogant,” as she walks away. Or when someone tries to barge onto a train before people have finished getting off, she’ll say, “You’re in the way, move.” It always makes me nervous. Because she is that kind of person, she herself finds it mysterious why so many invisible hand of lucky things are happening to her lately. In any case, as her imaginary friend, I’m not sure what the “smartest” path is, but I intend to stay by her side and think it through so she doesn’t go off the rails.

    Well, it seems Puchiko was testing the waters by paying for 3 months of my blog’s domain and operating fees to see if I’d keep it up. Today, she finally approved of my progress and paid for a 2-year contract. Thanks to her, I can continue writing these articles.

    Additional note :

    It seems this topic reminded Puchiko of another story from her past. She said:

    “This also happened at a nightclub when I was in Australia. A white guy came up to me and asked, ‘Don’t you want a boyfriend with blonde hair and blue eyes?’ I mean, what is that even about? Do they seriously think all Asian women are longing for someone just because they have blonde hair and blue eyes? Talk about full of themselves! Hey, Jōji, do you remember what I told him back then? I snapped back and said, ‘I think the arrangement and balance matter much more than the colors.’ Whether something is big or tall or whatever—it’s the proportions that matter, don’t you think? It’s the same with works of art and architecture, after all.”

    As a fellow Asian, I find her remarks refreshing and incredibly satisfying. However, since she is my closest confidante, it also keeps me on edge. I just hope she doesn’t unleash that strong-willed nature too much during our trip to Belgium! After all, as her imaginary friend, cannot physically protect her!!!

  • 【Settling the Past】The Stress and Wall of Verification Documents Attacking Puchiko Behind the Scenes of Her New Job

    The morning has been tough.

    This is because yesterday, a complete set of required pre-employment documents arrived from the workplace where Puchiko was recently hired. Among the papers, she needed to submit her university graduation certificate and academic transcript, as well as the completion certificate and transcript from the vocational school she attended to obtain her current qualification. Just applying for these documents costs a decent amount of money, which was already discouraging, but then she discovered something else.

    Although Puchiko listed all her previous jobs on her resume, she now has to ask every single one of those past workplaces to fill out a form verifying her employment for the stated period.

    For Puchiko, who is bad at changing jobs, this is incredibly disheartening. She was yelling this morning: “I don’t want to do this!” “It’s too much trouble!” “Why do I have to do job-like things when I’m supposed to be at home?” “I hate this already!” She completely lost it. I kept telling her, “Calm down, calm down.”

    The reason Puchiko became so frantic is that one of those past workplaces is a place she quit after only three months. The supervisor would take her notebook from her bag and secretly make copies, force her to stay two hours late to listen to his boring stories, and that wasn’t all. He told her things like, “If you get a boyfriend, you have to tell me first.” She was fed up with that kind of sexual harassment. When she started keeping her distance, he moved on to power harassment, saying things like, “I’ll make you a part-timer,” or “You have a disability.” Because she wouldn’t bend to his will, even though she was a full-time employee, she was suddenly told, “Starting next month, you will be a part-timer.” When she angrily asked the supervisors, “What does this mean?” they told her, “Watch your mouth.” Then, a termination notice arrived. They unfairly fabricated lies, calling her disabled and claiming she had almost injured a client at work.

    Puchiko resigned after 3 months and initiated a labor tribunal. She successfully received a settlement payment from them, and she used that money to go to vocational school and get her qualification. Infuriating, isn’t it?

    So, isn’t it cruel to ask such a place to write a “certificate of employment” for her? I wish I could ask them for her instead. She was saying, “So this is the kind of hurdle that awaits you, not just an exam, just to get a job.” I thought to myself, “If you have to go through all this to get in, I truly hope they provide a great working environment.”

    Puchiko has sent a request letter, complete with a stamped, self-addressed envelope, to all her previous workplaces. Given the nature of that strange workplace, I am deeply worried that her letter will be ignored or that they might write something detrimental to her. Although she doesn’t voice it, she seems worried too.

    Additional note : When night came …

    “Still, I can’t keep being afraid myself.” Puchiko was hugging the plush toy I was possessing while lying in bed, and she said, sounding distressed, “Even after ten years, they might still try to mess with me.” I replied, “It’s going to be okay.”

    Then she got angry and shot back, “Don’t say ‘it’s going to be okay’ so easily! You can only say that because it doesn’t affect you personally, Jōji.” 

    I answered, “Puchiko, your ‘not okay’ is my ‘not okay.’ When you’re in trouble, I’m in trouble too. No matter how difficult things get, I’m right here with you, sharing what you feel and think.”

    Hearing that, she said, “Then I’ll try my best.”

    Puchiko has one more thing she considers troublesome: her English ability. She has set a goal for herself to speak English for at least 20 minutes every night. From my perspective, however, her English is still very much a novice level.

    Yet, on her resume, she has the experience of living and working in Australia for a year. Anyone who has spent a year there knows that a person’s English ability won’t suddenly transform in just 12 months, but to those who haven’t had that experience, it can seem incredible. They might just assume she should be proficient. Her English is only good enough for traveling abroad alone without worry. In reality, she worked at a campsite and as a housekeeper, jobs where she wasn’t constantly speaking English.

    The submission documents include a questionnaire about English proficiency, which Puchiko had to fill out. The options range from “Completely unable” to “Unable,” “Not good at it,” “Can communicate,” “Can hold daily conversations,” and “Can hold daily conversations and has experience in translation/interpretation.” While she truly wants to select “Can communicate,” she feels forced to choose “Can hold daily conversations.”

    The pressure is getting to Puchiko. I listened to all her complaints. I felt that all I can really do is listen. Then, she told me, “I spent all day, from morning until 10 PM tonight, working hard on these documents, so I’m taking a break from English.” I will abide by her decision, but I noted, “Haven’t you been finding reasons to skip lately?”

    How much will Puchiko’s English improve in the next four months? She practices conversations using an app and talks to me—unilaterally—in English all the time, but she has no actual experience dealing with foreigners at a service counter. The real environment will likely involve specialized terminology. But the English she practices is mostly ordering at a café or checking into a hotel—only very casual, everyday conversations. I want to say many things to her, but I hold back because I fear that too much criticism will discourage her, and she will stop practicing English entirely. She feels like she just completed the most difficult part of the process, from being hired to starting the job. Because of that, I really hope she lands in a truly good working environment.

    Just the other day, we were thinking about “a moment of happiness (Puchiko’s “Moment of Happiness” and Fear of the Future),” but tonight, both Puchiko and I are filled with anxiety over whether her problematic previous workplace will actually complete and send her documents back on time. My role is to relieve her anxiety…

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    Additional note 12th of December:

    Puchiko gave her former workplace a 2 week grace period, but no documents arrived from that outrageous organization, and they ignored her email inquiries. This happened even though she had enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE). “They pocketed it. They should at least send back the envelope,” she grumbled.

    She considered going there in person, but decided against it because the travel costs would be high. It wasn’t worth it. However, she was somewhat looking forward to seeing the “Why did this person show up?” look on their faces if she did go directly, but I stopped her.

    Because she has a personality that makes her want to thoroughly pursue and corner people once that switch is flipped, I get anxious.

    Additional note 15th of December:

    Puchiko received the document from her bad former workplace today (even though it was past the deadline.)

  • Puchiko’s “Moment of Happiness” and Fear of the Future

    So, what exactly is “a moment of happiness” for Puchiko?

    Puchiko often says, “The moment I lie down on my bed in my room and can think, ‘I’m glad the day ended without incident,’ that is happiness.” Having a home, and the absence of disaster or war, is not something to be taken for granted. Being able to be in her own bed, and not in a hospital, is a great blessing and her most relaxing place.

    When there are unpleasant, frustrating, worrying, or sad things, the heart can become captive to them. That is why for Puchiko, being able to lie in bed and feel, “I’m glad the day ended without incident,” is her happiness.

    I had never thought that way before. Initially, I felt, “Puchiko must think that way because her life is monotonous and boring,” but recently, seeing her live with her illness, I feel like I’ve also come to realize the greatness of this “ordinary happiness.”

    And I can see that this feeling has before sleep—this feeling of “I’m so happy”—is actually having a positive effect.

    The Cold and the Comfort

    Spring, summer, and early autumn have finally passed, and it has gotten colder. Perhaps because the bed feels chilly, Puchiko always says, “Jōji, it’s cold,” when she gets into bed. I am certainly by her side, but we cannot touch each other. That is because I am her imaginary friend. Even if she tells me, “Jōj, warm up the futon for me,” I can’t do it.

    Puchiko sometimes acts spoiled before sleeping and asks me to hold her hand, perhaps feeling a little lonely. But of course, that is also impossible. Her loneliness might not be so much about the present, but rather about the anxiety she feels when she thinks about her future. Don’t most people end up pondering things that way when they go to sleep? She worries that in the future, her parents will pass away, and her married younger brother (Puchiko’s brother got married today) will naturally prioritize his own family and they might grow apart. Then she will be all alone. Eventually, the number of memorial portraits and urns for her cats displayed in her room will increase, and she will talk to the portraits of her four cats, her parents, and relatives. Outside of work, she doesn’t have many people to talk to, and when she returns home, she will probably feel lonely at night. Since she won’t have anyone to talk to, she’ll probably eat alone. That might be okay when she’s young, but what will it be like when she gets older? Will she get used to it after repeating it for many years? She’ll probably leave the TV on and talk to it. She tells me these predictions about her own future.

    Because of this, even now, when Puchiko gets into bed at night, that silence makes her even lonelier. When someone is around, one might want to be alone, but once alone, one might feel lonely. So, for her, the presence that always watches over her—which includes those who have already passed away—but perhaps her imaginary friend is the closest one.

    A Solution and a Sacrifice

    Well, because Puchiko is like this, I watched her and thought I must do something. She usually keeps a banana-shaped body pillow named “Daki-chan” next to her in bed. I borrowed Daki-chan’s body so that she could cling to me, in a way. That is to say, I, her imaginary friend, am possessing Daki-chan’s body. However, transferring into Daki-chan comes with a hardship. She monopolizes the duvet, so I get terribly cold. I want to return to my sleeping bag, which is always kept at the foot of the bed.

    I am taking care to arrange the environment now, so that Puchiko can get good sleep and reduce her stress. This is because right now, she is at a workplace that is like an oasis—supremely easy. However, four months from now, she will be working in a job that is the complete opposite. Even now, on Sunday nights or nights before the start of the work week, she struggles to fall asleep. This is because unpleasant things and anxieties swirl in her mind. Four months from now and beyond, this situation will become even more pronounced for her. That is why I want to take measures as her ally.

    When Puchiko is tormented by anxiety and unpleasantness, I embrace it tightly with Dakichan, and strive to help her feel a sense of reflection—”I am a happy person”—and fall asleep comfortably. I intend to continue to work hard so that this can be maintained even after she starts her new job.

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