Puchiko went out to meet people, which is rare for her. What I am about to write about made me furious as someone close to Puchiko, and I will refrain from mentioning names or other identifying details because I won’t write kindly about that person. Puchiko herself felt slightly bothered, but after returning home, she was watching Poirot quite cheerfully, so she didn’t seem to mind… or rather, she wasn’t paying them any mind. However, I felt such anger toward that person that I told Puchiko, “Don’t ever associate with them again.”
Table of Contents
1. The Discomfort of Trivializing a Shared Acquaintance’s “Weakness” While Knowing Her Condition
What shall I call that person? Let’s call them “The toxic friend.” The relationship with “The toxic friend” has been simmering for a long time. They are someone who stimulates a deep-seated aversion in Puchiko. Since they belong to the same social circle, they occasionally have to interact.
“The toxic friend” started talking about a mutual acquaintance of Puchiko’s who suffers from mental health illness. Though they must have known about the person’s condition, “The toxic friend” proceeded to say, “People with weak bodies are hard to invite out,” “You can’t do any job without being healthy and physically strong,” and “It gets awkward and takes too much care when you know too much about their illness.”They stated this as if intentionally disregarding the other person with a weak body (Puchiko) right there, or as if they were doing it deliberately.
I wonder what “The toxic friend” truly thought of Puchiko’s five years of living with illness. Puchiko listened without showing emotion, like Michael Corleone, but if she had commanded me to “kill them,” I might have done it. It is impossible, of course. That is the sad fate of an imaginary friend.
“The toxic friend” voluntarily follows Puchiko’s social media accounts dedicated to her illness, knowing full well about her struggle and dietary restrictions. Why, then, would they say such things in front of her? If they feel that way, why did they seek to associate with her in the first place?
To make matters worse, “The toxic friend” had once made a joke out of Puchiko’s facial expression and symptoms when she was suffering during an outing, and they did this right in front of our mutual acquaintance.
2. The Arrogance of Hurting Others and Erecting a “I Am Special” Defense Line
Even after more than fifteen years, Puchiko has not forgotten a phrase “The toxic friend” uttered. When Puchiko’s father resigned due to depression, “The toxic friend” said, “My own father crushed people like that, though.” And today, they were making a joke out of another weak person right in front of us.
Puchiko chose the “adult” response toward “The toxic friend.” She knows that trying to correct or argue with “The toxic friend” is futile, as “The toxic friend” will only attempt to win the argument, which would be detrimental to her own mental health. Borrowing “The toxic friend’s” past phrase, “There is only right or left in the world,” this unknowingly flawed perspective is likely a manifestation of a deep-rooted self-defense mechanism that cannot neutrally respect others.
Even if “The toxic friend” maintains an appearance of a “successful person” through sheer vanity, promoting their job as superior and masking the reality that their current office is only sustainable through parental support.
Neither Puchiko nor I need to crush “The toxic friend’s” façade. The strength we must possess is not about controlling people like “The toxic friend,” but the wisdom to respect our own feeling of “dislike” and maintain distance. Puchiko’s small, daily peace should not be destroyed by the arrogant remarks of someone like “The toxic friend.”
By the way, when Puchiko finished watching Poirot, I asked her, “Why are you okay after being told those things on your precious day off? Aren’t you angry?”
Puchiko replied, “I was angry. Or rather, I just reconfirmed that my initial gut feeling when I first met this person—that I couldn’t stand them—was correct. Besides, you were the one who completely freaked out and blew up more than me, you, so watching you rage actually made me feel relieved. Thank you.”
3. TIPs for Puchiko’s Comrades Living with Chronic Illness
There will always be people like “The toxic friend” who try to inflict deliberate pain. When Puchiko was hospitalized for her IgA Nephropathy treatment, a colleague referred to her desk as “the sick island.” Others may utter hurtful words with good intentions, or introduce unwanted information during your struggle.
What I have learned from watching over Puchiko is that the strength we must possess, to reiterate, is not to fix people like “The toxic friend,” but to respect our own feeling of “dislike” and maintain distance.
And there is one more thing I want to convey to the reader. Never, ever discuss your personal passions or things you love with “The toxic friend” type of person.
For them, it merely becomes “bait” to attack your vulnerability or joy. When your favorite things are denied and met with mockery like, “You like that much?” it can deeply wound you, feeling like an assault on your very core. This is because Puchiko was once subjected to this by “The toxic friend.” Puchiko’s small, daily peace must not be destroyed by the arrogant words of people like them.