※This is Puchiko’s experience and is not a substitute for diagnosis or treatment.
It seems Puchiko had a good day yesterday. This is because she went to her favorite Sicilian restaurant with her parents. She looked perfectly content after eating her beloved oyster pasta, a dish she always orders. Seeing her from behind, I felt a sense of relief.
This is because just three days prior, Puchiko had received the result notification for a job hiring exam. The result was “accepted.” After passing the document screening, written exam, and two interviews, she had successfully passed the final stage. However, it wasn’t a definitive “hiring” but a conditional notification: “There is a possibility of employment within 11 months, but only if a person resigns or is no longer able to take the position.” In other words, if no vacancy arises during that time, she won’t be hired. Because she had just received that news, I was worried about her state of mind.
Yet, Puchiko seemed less bothered than I had expected. Perhaps she was slightly relieved somewhere deep down, knowing how demanding and difficult working full-time can be. I had thought she would be much more downhearted.
She lives with the anxiety of not knowing when her illness might flare up and require hospitalization. If she works part-time, there is a risk of losing her job during a long hospitalization. However, she doesn’t qualify for employment under the disability hiring system. She also doesn’t have the stamina to work full-time and healthy. She had mentioned that, being single and considering her physical condition, she wouldn’t have children, and she wanted to earn a little more money to live alone in her old age with this condition. The truth is, people with intractable diseases are often in a limbo within society.
That is why, a year after her IgA Nephropathy went into remission, she took the full-time employee exam. She wanted to reduce the risk of losing her job even if hospitalized. However, she was also aware that the job would be extremely demanding and involve significant stress. Still, it is her life, so I worried but offered my support.
Well, yesterday was a “cheat day” for Puchiko. She usually maintains a restrictive diet, but a cheat day is when she can freely eat what she likes as a reward. When a person is feeling low, even the most delicious food can seem tasteless, but she was genuinely enjoying her meal yesterday. Watching her laugh and spend time with her parents warmed my heart.
Puchiko once told me, “The greatest happiness is falling asleep in my own bed, thinking, ‘Nothing bad happened today.’” However, eating is also a source of happiness for her—sharing a delicious meal with her family. To savor her favorite spaghetti occasionally as a reward amid her usual restrictions. What others take for granted, she deeply appreciates as a profound happiness. Seeing her smile while enjoying the food, I felt truly relieved.
Today, Puchiko is preparing Gapao rice with soy meat. She has plans to go mandarin orange picking tomorrow with colleagues and friends from university.
She mentioned that they would be walking on mountain paths and told me, “If I get tired, Jōji(My Japanese name is actually spelled Jōji in the Roman alphabet.) , you’ll carry me on your back, won’t you?”
That, of course, is impossible. Because I am—her imaginary friend.